Yesterday on my birthday I went for a drink to a nearby bar which I usually frequent. For me this is a place for deep contemplation and thinking. I go alone to this place. After taking one or two drinks in this place I can always perceive the operation of my unconscious mind (subconscious and superconscious levels). Yesterday after the usual two drinks, I had started thinking about this desire that I had developed from last two months. I see myself in a black robe with my head clean shaven with no hair on them. On my forehead I have red sandal paste in a particular formation depicting the third eye of the universe. I wear a gold symbol on my left chest (upper part) which is in fact a clamping clip which holds my robe together. I wear black footwear of the ancient variety. In this avatar I see myself roaming around the world preaching and speaking about the “Kaula” way of life which espouses a new doctrine of existence.
The transformation has begun. I know that now there is no looking back. I can see the ominous signs of this change. Yesterday my father wished me on my birthday by saying that technically I have finished my first half of life. He was referring to the age that I have reached which is considered in the society as the approximate age of the first half of your life. The signal is loud and clear. It is time for me to move on and complete the transformation that has begun. Worldly and divine beings from various other levels of existence have tried to reverse my path by giving me direct and indirect messages. But I know that I have moved beyond all of them. I can see my existence at the highest level beyond every world that was ever there, is there today or will be there in the future. I can see myself beyond duality and in my darkness I absorb all that existed, that exists and that shall exist in the future. I assimilate the good, the bad and the ugly.
I am beyond time. I am beyond life and death. I exist and I don’t exist.
Sanjay at Nirvana
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