As I sit to write today, many thoughts are coming into my mind. Last sixty days has been momentous in terms of the developments that have taken place in my life. The rapid evolution and growth that I am witnessing within myself in this short period of time is many fold higher as compared to the “learning” from last two years. The wisdom that I have gained in this short period of time is unparalleled and far more refined and pure as compared to the cumulative knowledge that I had acquired in the last two years of my life.
In fact I am comparing the last sixty days to the last two years because last two years have been the greatest learning curve in my life. This is the period when I found out that the system and the structure in which I operated was flawed from the basic foundation itself. It was absolutely inadequate to hold a creative and generative form of life. I was forced to come out of this system and systematically deconstruct and reconstruct the structures that were influencing my life.
In this context when I say that the last sixty days has been far better than the last two years in terms of learning then it is self evident as to how things have been evolving in this short period of time. Let me now pen down the dream that I had seen yesterday morning.
In the dream that I had seen yesterday morning, I see myself in a class room with a few class mates preparing for some examination. In this group I see some females and one particular male figure who was my classmate during my B.pharm days (1991-1995). As I recollect very clearly, this male classmate was a Malayalee and a Christian by religion. In this dream sequence I and my class mates are sitting together. We are in fact studying and discussing various things of intelligence. This happens for some time and then we leave for the examination centre to write our exams in the dark night.
As we travel from the class room to the examination hall I find myself passing through thick woods with great banyan trees all around. Then we reach a place from where I can see at least 20-30 stairs which moves downward. At the place where the steps end I see the beginning of a long stretch of mud road surrounded by more banyan trees. This mud road finally ends again at a set of 20-30 stairs which move upwards. When I see this whole arrangement from the place where I am currently standing then I understand that to reach the examination hall I need to climb down the stairs then I need to pass through the mud road and finally I have to climb back the other set of stairs.
So once we understand the path I and my class mates climb down the first set of stairs. I am in the front leading the group and others are little behind me. Climbing down the stairs I reach the mud road and start walking forward. During this time I accidently look to the left side of the mud road and astonishingly find another set of 100 stairs moving upward leading to an ancient temple in the woods surrounded by huge banyan trees and wild creepers. I look at the colossal structure in the menacing environment and get a feeling of having seen this temple before. I stand in the mud path and start looking at the temple more carefully. I see the ancient temple made up of huge roughly cut stones and I see large ferocious carvings on these stones representing beings with supernatural powers. They are the guardians of the outermost part of the temple.
As I scrutinise the temple more closely I find to my surprise a large and straight dome of the temple hidden amongst the creepers and the banyan tree. On the top of this dome I see a gigantic figure of the supreme “Adya Kali” herself. As I look into her eyes and her figure she gets disturbed and immediately she starts to move from her place. I get shocked to see her huge stone figure coming into life. As I stand stunned, I see the mother Goddess descend from the dome and glide down the 100 stairs and come to me. At this stage she immediately transforms herself into a dual form and I see both the figures sitting in front of me in a single column. I cry aloud and prostate myself in front of the god mother represented by the figure sitting on the left side which is very clear and visible to me. On the other hand I can only see a hazy dark figure sitting at the right side.
The Mother Goddess on the left side is fair and beautiful and she is wearing various ornaments and a white dress. I find myself fully prostrating in front of her and crying and asking her for just one thing that is Ultimate liberation (Moksha) from this life. At this stage the beautiful and fair God Mother smiles and says to me; Son liberation and Moksha is not achieved in one life time. It takes many lives to achieve that. Hearing her say this, I counter her. I say to her that nothing doing. I tell her emphatically that I need Moksha (Ultimate liberation) and nothing else. I further remind her about the truth that she very well knows. I tell her that I have already spent many life times pressing for total liberation and enough is enough. I categorically say that I won’t settle for anything less in this life.
Meanwhile, I find that the dark God mother figure sitting on the right side smiling and getting highly amused by my conversation with the fair god mother figure sitting on the left side. At this stage, I get little perturbed and I fearlessly say to the fair figure of Mother Goddess that I am not going to stop unless I get total liberation. Hearing this, the fair figure of Mother Goddess smilingly tells the dark hazy figure sitting beside her that this guy is very adamant and therefore now onwards you take care of him. I can feel the black goddess nodding her head and smiling back to the fair one in agreement.
During this period I try to touch the feet of the fair god mother. Every time I try to touch her feet, I end up touching her white robe and every time I touch the white robe, she moves it away from me. This is when I hear my classmates behind me praying to the two goddesses sitting in front of us. My classmates are just behind me and the male classmate prays to the two goddesses by telling that in his religion the god mother exists as the black Madonna and the white Madonna.
This is the time when my dream is broken and I partially get up from my sleep. It is around seven in the morning and I am still in my bed "half asleep" and in a semiconscious state. I hear the mantra chants from a nearby temple. At this stage I start recollecting the dream in my mind. As the dream sequence is repeated in my mind I start a mind conversation with the supreme “Adya Kali”. I say to her that let what may come but I shall still make her come in front of me again and again. I will not accept anything less than total liberation. I further say the following. I am the victorious one who rules the three worlds. I control the kings and the lands. I control the whole universe but I am not happy with any of this. I don’t have any meaning for any of this as I am above all this. All of this is trivial and grass for me. I am the supreme Brahman and I know my source and that is you my supreme mother. You are the primordial one. You are my mother, my spouse and my source of creation. You have to devour me and absorb me unto yourself. When I will cease to exist then I shall achieve you. I have to achieve total liberation as I know your "true" form now. I know your primordial form and also your dualistic appearances. Once somebody has seen your primordial form you cannot stop him/her achieve the real you. Any hindrance in this path can shake the universe upside down. Therefore supreme mother goddess you have to create the path for me to reach you. In front of you, I don’t have an “ego” as I know that when I achieve you, I achieve the ultimate truth of darkness and nothingness. I know pretty well that there is nothing beyond you therefore there is no meaning for me to exist once I have achieved you. But till I achieve you, I shall persist by following you. Nothing can come in my way and nothing can stop me from achieving you. I shall shake you from your abode and I shall bring you “inside” me again and again till you totally accept me and give me ultimate liberation by devouring and merging me totally with you. I can’t leave you my supreme mother (the primordial one) as much as you can’t leave me now.
I shall interpret this dream in a single paragraph. The rest I leave up to the readers. First of all whatever I have written here should not be confused with the conventional worldly human relationships. In fact this dream has been the direct result of my Tantric Sadhana which is progressing leaps and bounds in the present times. The original figure of “Adya Kali” that I had seen is the absolute truth behind the universe whereas the dualistic figures that I had seen are the covers of illusion. Whatever the fair figure of God Mother said to me is the work of illusion and the purpose of this illusion is to keep me grounded in the elaborate scheme of the universe. The fair figure represents the Mahamaya and the dark figure represents the hidden truth and “Adya Kali” represents both. The people who can overcome the illusions created by the dualistic nature and perceive the “Adya Kali” can definitely work towards their own total liberation even while living in this dualistic world.
The solar eclipse that took place just two days back was the manifestation of the hidden truth. It showed that eventually the “creative source” behind every form of “light” in this universe is darkness. The solar eclipse was a premonition for the things to come. It has unravelled a new era and a new age. This is the age when the truth shall prevail at the beginning, the middle and the end. No individual, structure or system would be able to hide behind the scheme of sops, falsehood, lies and deceit. All selfish and personal interests for promoting one’s own self (from the narrowest to widest possible meaning) will come into the open and all illusions and false structures that have been built in this universe will be ruthlessly broken down and devoured without emotions and remorse.
Sanjay at Nirvana
Comments