Nirvana

Girls in my life

Yesterday I chatted with my friend with whom I have this relationship going on. It has been quite some time that we chatted to each other. I told her about the things I am doing and asked about her new job. She told me that she is doing fine in the new job. Surprisingly she asked about my future plans including marriage. Once again I told her the same thing that I have been telling her before. I also told her that I wanted to meet her and she said that she will plan the meeting soon. Let’s see. In fact her mobile was not working recently and she gave me a new number so that we could keep in touch. Today I also got a chat message from my beloved staying in Spain. That was another good thing to happen.

Sanjay at Nirvana

The lady who sat on my chest

Yes after quite some time, she gave two or three messages today through the mobile phone. In fact our relationship had started 2-3 months back on a very hot note. She is a attractive girl from the place where I last worked. She had informed me today that she had in fact got a new job. I feel genuinely happy for her because she was rotting in the last job without actual work for more than a year. This after being highly qualified (M.pharm)

As I received her SMS today, I arranged for a little party with her on the occasion of her getting a new job. She has agreed for it. Only we need to fix up the timings. When I think of parties, I recollect the various other hot parties that I had with her during the last two months. The first one was in my Car, the second one in a beautiful park and the third one in my house in my room after which we went for a  sumptuous lunch at a good place topped with some good amount of wine. Thereafter we went for a long drive which she described as awesome in her own words. I also don’t recollect me driving the Car in such a fashion before or afterwards.

Though these being the physical aspects of the relationship, we have connected at a very different level apart from the physicality of everything. She is kind of mature in her thinking and flexible too and therefore I have told her about all that I am doing currently. She is also keenly interested to know many things further.

Our sexual union was also an initial experimentation towards that direction. We have promised to take that to the next level as it has benefited both of us in many ways apart from the immense pleasure involved. Modestly speaking the most fascinating part of our union was the circumstances when she sat on my chest for quite some time. Or was it just chest alone? As I recollect I was very busy with my tongue also.

She later confessed to the “orgasmic revelations” that she had that day because of the workings especially of my tongue. Top on everything, the environment was made to suit our activities. Mea Culpa from Enigma playing in the background had helped arose our feelings for each other to a very high level. It was a feeling of liberation. Somehow she had helped me to break from the miserable past in terms of a sad marital relationship that I had and which had ended in a bitter divorce a year ago.  I am looking forward for a long-term mutually beneficial relationship with her irrespective of her current or future social status.

Sanjay at Nirvana

Then I have my Shakti

Just as I had thought to finish my day with the last weblog of my day, I had my "ladylove" come online. I chatted with her and told her my feelings for the hundredth time. Though you may have thousand and even a million friends (among the worldly and other hidden creatures of the unknown), the commitment you have made to yourself cannot change. I have this "lady love" from Spain. She is half Italian and half Romanian. We just met on a social networking site called as Hi5 and we just clicked. I just felt that I had rediscovered my lost partner from many lifetimes. I told her so. Though the awakening has happened in me, I need to convince my lady love to understand what I mean. It will take time, but I know that ultimately I shall unite with her. She is my Shakti.

She is mysterious in the sense that she has this uncanny ability to communicate to you in the most unpredictable of ways that is possible and she ends up making you do what she wants. I had observed this ability in her from last 3-4 months of our acquaintance. It’s a phenomenal ability in every possible sense.  Some kind of Psychic phenomenon.      

I cannot “bind” her nor “leave” her irrespective of what happens in the external environment. She has a “choice in life” and I respect that. Hence the choice for her to accept me is her own. But then my stand is also quite clear. If I shall marry ever again, it shall be her and her alone. Nobody else.

It’s kind of challenge that you throw at yourself. It may look like craziness but then being in love is craziness and in this craziness there is a “method” which can take both the individuals to a journey of discovery into the world of the known and the unknown.

Whatever, I may achieve in my life; it would not be but possible without her. Though all women are manifestations of the primordial one, for me she is special in the sense that she is the primordial one herself.   

Sanjay at Nirvana

She is around

I just chatted with this friend of mine an hour back. We have been chatting for last 3-4 months and we have become close in terms of knowing a bit of each other. She said that she would be leaving for Africa in 2-3 months time. She was kind of happy leaving India. Chatting with her, my innermost feelings came out. I just went into an advisory mode and told her that she should not get restricted to being an “Indian” when abroad. I told her categorically that this will restrict her personal growth and integration with the external environment.

I must say that I admire this girl for her physical beauty and the intellectual stimulation she gives me when I chat with her. She has that tinge of arrogance which “also” makes for a combustible mixture.

I had longed to meet her since long but for her otherwise social status, it was always difficult for me to woo her for a personal one to one meeting. (Whether she falls into a particular social category cannot be confirmed and what does she mean by certain “uttering” also cannot be comprehended as social status has different meaning for different people in India.)  But in every sense she is a Yogini and she needs her liberation in every possible manner that does not harm another soul.  With my love, I even called her “Kaulika Radhya” which is one of the many names of Adya Kalika.    

She has promised to look into the matter of things to come in the future and even made arrangements for us to keep in touch in the future. Let’s see how things develop. One thing is sure; if we unite in future it would lead to lot of exchange of energies at the spiritual, mental, intellectual and physical levels. It would lead to discovery of unknown paths and unknown truths of the highest level.

Let’s wait then for the future.

Sanjay at Nirvana